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Thread: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

  1. #1
    Administrator GothamSpotter's Avatar
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    Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    [youtubetp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ta9ltJGxjk[/youtube
    Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem.
    All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them under control.
    I trust you are not in too much distress. —Captain Eric Moody, British Airways Flight 9

  2. #2
    Senior Member Derf's Avatar
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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    .25c per min of oxygen!!! SWEET!
    The three most common expressions in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh Crap".

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    Senior Member emshighway's Avatar
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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    That's one of the best I have heard. It is actually a good idea to throw some zingers in, it makes the passengers listen up.
    "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' "
    Ronald Reagan

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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    I've heard them joke around allot during the safety briefing.

    "Please pretend that you care as we go over this important safety briefing."

    "In the event this Love flight becomes a Love cruise....."

    "Our 737 is equipped with an oxygen system so after you stop screaming and beating off the person next to you....."

    "Smoking isn't permitted in the lavatories so please don't try it because it’s late and I don't want to fill out any paperwork tonight."

    "We are equipped with 6 emergency exits 2 upfront 2 over the wing and 2 in the rear of the plane; please take a moment to locate the one nearest you and who the weaker passengers are so you know who to knock over in the event we need to evacuate the plane."

    "For those of you sitting at an exit row you may be called upon to assist the crew in an evacuation please take a moment to review the safety breifing card in you're seat back pocket and no you don't get a free drink for helping.

    Other stuff I've heard them say...

    "Overhead bins are shared space that means you should have checked that oversized carryon and not brought it on with you....We all know who didn't share with the other kids in 2nd grade row 12..."

    "We only have middle seats left so now's the time to make a serious decision about who you want to sit next to for 4 hours, and there's some scary looking people on this flight so choose wisely."

    "Tonight's meal will begin with whatever you brought on with you followed by the main course of Honey Roasted peanuts, yes that's right. We don't do the food thing."

    Yeah you can tell I fly WN allot....

  5. #5
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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    "Hello welcome aboard SWA Flight XXX, non stop service to XXX. This is a Boeing 737-700.

    To fasten your seat belt slide the flat end into the buckle in front of you. To release lift up on the buckle or tear it off whichever works for you.

    There are 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 6 on board this aircrafts, thats two forward exits,2 overwing window exit and 2 rear exits.

    The safety information card is in the seatback pocket in front of you, please read it if you don't want to pay attention to this announcement.

    We will now be coming around to make sure you have stuffed those overstuffed bags underneath the seat in front of you, and your tray tables and seatback are in their up right and locked position.

    Smoking is not allowed on board this aircraft, Federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling or destroying any smoke detector in the lavatory. Doing so will result in viewing our winning entertainment movie, gone with the wind.

    Federal Aviation Regulations ask that you comply with all posted safety cards and placecards, and pay attention to all instructions to uniformed cabin crew members, yes people these ARE uniforms.

    In the unlikely event we have cabin pressure loss 4 oxygen masks will drop down, stop screaming, insert a quarter to activate and then pull down on the tube. Place the mask over your face, and breathe normally, even though the bag may not be inflating, stop panicking its working. Please attend to yourself before helping others around you that may need assitance.

    Not word for word, but thats the basics of how our jokes have gone.

    My fav is the winying of the horse on take off or landing, really gets everyones attention. My fav crew had to eb HOU-STL or JAX-PHL-BNA-MSY-HOU, holy cow, the HOU based folks are HILARIOUS!

    Alex
    www.southwest.com Bags Fly Free. Anytime, Anywhere on Southwest Airlines. Share the LUV!

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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    In the unlikely event we have cabin pressure loss 4 oxygen masks will drop down. Please attend to yourself before helping others around you that may need assitance. If you have two children, choose which one you love most.
    "lol retart"

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    Senior Member lijk604's Avatar
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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    When I commuted to STL this past winter, I must have had the FA in that YouTube clip, on at least 4 flights. He mixes in some new lines here and there, but his schtick is basically the same. It's a great trick, I noticed a lot of those not paying attention lifted their heads as soon as he riffed on the seat belts.
    I was one of them. :oops:

  8. #8
    Administrator GothamSpotter's Avatar
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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    I had a good one on ISP-MDW a few weeks ago. Best line: "We don't expect to experience a loss of cabin pressure...if we did we wouldn't have come to work today...but if one does occur..."
    Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem.
    All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them under control.
    I trust you are not in too much distress. —Captain Eric Moody, British Airways Flight 9

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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    Here's a classic example of WN's safety announcement.

    http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e1c_1193434904

  10. #10
    Administrator Phil D.'s Avatar
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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    That first clip is of LAX-MDW. I'll be on that route in a few weeks. Obviously I doubt I'll have the same crew.
    Email me anytime at phil@nycaviation.com.

  11. #11
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    Re: Funny Southwest Safety Speech

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Bird76
    Here's a classic example of WN's safety announcement.

    http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=e1c_1193434904
    I'm confused. Isn't this the same clip as the one in the first post?

    Greets,
    -Omar S.

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